Ermas Perfect Mom
Posted by Real Parents Real Kids on May 17th, 2009Erma’s Perfect Mom
Erma Bombeck
I miss Erma Bombeck. She was a Real Parent that wrote about the things that Real Parents care about. So in honor of Erma, I’ve posted one of my favorite Erma Bombeck stories.
The Perfect Mother
by Erma Bombeck
Everyone said Sharon was a terrific mother.
Her neighbors said it.
Sharon painted the inside of her garbage cans with enamel, grew her
own vegetables, cut her own grass every week, made winter coats for the
entire family from remnants, donated blood and baked Barbara Mandrell a
doll cake for her birthday.
Her mother said it.
Sharon drove her to the doctor’s when she had an appointment,
color-coordinated the children’s clothes and put them in labeled
drawers, laundered aluminum foil and used it again, planned family
reunions, wrote her Congressman, cut everyone’s hair and knew her
health insurance policy number by heart.
Her children’s teacher said it.
She helped her children every night with their homework, delivered
her son’s paper route when it rained, packed nutritious lunches with
little raised faces on the sandwiches, was homeroom mother, belonged to
five car pools and once blew up 234 balloons by herself for the seventh
grade cotillion.
Her husband said it.
Sharon washed the car when it rained, saved antifreeze from year to
year, paid all the bills, arranged their social schedule, sprayed the
garden for bugs, moved the hose during the summer, put the children on
their backs at night to make sure they didn’t sleep on their faces, and
once found a twelve-dollar error on a tax return filed by H & R
Block.
Her best friend said it.
Sharon build a bed out of scraps left over from the patio, crocheted
a Santa Claus to cover the extra roll of toilet paper at Christmastime,
washed fruit before her children ate it, learned to play the
harpsichord, kept a Boston fern alive for a whole year, and when the
group ate lunch out, Sharon always figured out who owed what.
Her minister said it.
Sharon found time to read all the dirty books and campaign against
them. She played guitar at evening services. She corresponded with a
poor family in Guatemala in SPANISH. She put together a cookbook to
raise funds for a new coffee maker for the church. She collected door
to door for all the health organizations.
Sharon was one of those women blessed with a knack for being
organized. She planned a theme part for the dogs birthday, made her
children elaborate Halloween costumes out of old grocery bags and her
knots came out just right on the shoelaces when they broke. She put a
basketball hoop over the clothes hanger as an incentive for good
habits, started seedlings in a toilet paper spindle, and insulated
their house with empty egg cartons, which everyone else threw away.
Sharon kept a schedule that would have brought any other women to
her knees. Need twenty-five women to chaperone a party? Give the list
to Sharon. Need a mother to convert the school library to the Dewey
Decimal System? Call Sharon. Need someone to organize a block party,
garage sale or a school festival? Get Sharon.
Sharon was a SUPER MOM!
Her gynecologist said it.
Her butcher said it.
Her tennis partner said it.
Her children…
Her children never said it.
They spent a lot of time with Rick’s mother, who was always home
with them and who ate cookies out of a box and played poker with them.
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Tags: Aluminum Foil, Antifreeze, Barbara Mandrell, Boston Fern, Car Pools, Christmastime, Cotillion, Erma Bombeck, Family Reunions, Garbage Cans, Harpsichord, Health Insurance Policy, Homeroom Mother, Insurance Policy Number, Number By Heart, Nutritious Lunches, Paper Route, parenting reality, Perfect Mother, Real Parenting, real parents, Toilet Paper, Winter Coats
